Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Joggling Beer Mile World Record (By Default)

I'm officially a choggler. A couple of weeks ago, I completed what I believe was the world's first ever joggling beer mile. The time was very slow. There was a humiliating penalty lap. But it happened.

Now all of you kids out there, don't try this unless you're of age. If fact, even if you are of age, the beer mile is not for everyone. And if my most recent result is any indication, it may not even be for me. 

The beer mile, if you don't know, involves chugging four beers, which must be 355mL and at least 5% alcohol (no shotgunning allowed), one before each of four laps around a 400-metre track, plus an extra 9 metres before the start to make a 1,609m mile. There's a penalty lap for vomiting.

As you know, I enjoy running while doing other things, so the beer mile has also had a special place in my heart. For the most part, it's been an underground pastime for runners who enjoy beer -- which, by my experience, is most runners -- but thanks to expat Canadian James "The Beast" Nielsen's recent record-breaking sub-5-minute beer mile performance, it's made the esteemed Wall Street Journal's front page.

Last year, I ran a decent 7:17 (VIDEO), putting me at 574th on's all-time top 1000 beer mile record list. I hoped to run and chug even fast this year, despite adding juggling into the mix, but too-cold beer and an off day for my chugging, left me gasping for air right from the start. Coordination became an issue by the third lap. The juggling pattern blurred and my tosses became more haphazard. In short, I looked like a semi-drunk guy trying to run and juggle, because that's what I was. I gagged just after finishing my last beer and suffered the indignity of a penalty lap, joggling in for a glacial 11:19 finish, more than four minutes slower than last year.

Still, it's a record, I think. The advantage of being the only one. Still, I think I need a do-over, so there's another one planned for September 19.