Joggling Beer Mile World Record (By Default)

I'm officially a choggler. A couple of weeks ago, I completed what I believe was the world's first ever joggling beer mile. The time was very slow. There was a humiliating penalty lap. But it happened.

Now all of you kids out there, don't try this unless you're of age. If fact, even if you are of age, the beer mile is not for everyone. And if my most recent result is any indication, it may not even be for me. 

The beer mile, if you don't know, involves chugging four beers, which must be 355mL and at least 5% alcohol (no shotgunning allowed), one before each of four laps around a 400-metre track, plus an extra 9 metres before the start to make a 1,609m mile. There's a penalty lap for vomiting.

As you know, I enjoy running while doing other things, so the beer mile has also had a special place in my heart. For the most part, it's been an underground pastime for runners who enjoy beer -- which, by my experience, is most runners -- but thanks to expat Canadian James "The Beast" Nielsen's recent record-breaking sub-5-minute beer mile performance, it's made the esteemed Wall Street Journal's front page.

Last year, I ran a decent 7:17 (VIDEO), putting me at 574th on beermile.com's all-time top 1000 beer mile record list. I hoped to run and chug even fast this year, despite adding juggling into the mix, but too-cold beer and an off day for my chugging, left me gasping for air right from the start. Coordination became an issue by the third lap. The juggling pattern blurred and my tosses became more haphazard. In short, I looked like a semi-drunk guy trying to run and juggle, because that's what I was. I gagged just after finishing my last beer and suffered the indignity of a penalty lap, joggling in for a glacial 11:19 finish, more than four minutes slower than last year.

Still, it's a record, I think. The advantage of being the only one. Still, I think I need a do-over, so there's another one planned for September 19.

Joe Salter Sets Backwards Marathon Joggling Record

Joe Salter, the man who introduced the world to triathlon juggling, is back at it again. This time, Salter ran a marathon backwards while joggling. Check out his video from the Quad Cities Marathon, which Salter completed in 5:51 with two drops, the same number as my forwards marathon joggling record.


Thanks to Salter, I guess I now need to start specifying the forward part when I tell people about my record. And Wilson Kipsang also needs to be clear that he holds the world record for the fastest non-joggling, forward-running marathon.

Soon-to-be Guinness World Record for Joggling 800m

Success! Sort of.

I ran. I juggled. I didn't drop. I set what will likely be a new Guinness World Record for the fastest joggling 800m (pending verification) with a time of 2:15.61, but fell short of the overall best recorded time of 2:13.24.

It's important to stick your tongue out when joggling at high speed. Photo: Doug Smith.

Ontario Masters Athletics organized a special joggling exhibition race for me at the Relay Ruckus this past weekend at York University in Toronto. Since there were no other jogglers around and I had no pacer this time, I ran the race solo.

Under near-perfect conditions, I took off at a solid pace with a 64.5-second first lap – right on target. I was hoping to hold on for a 66- or 67-second second lap, but things started to fall apart with about 200 to go. At this point in an 800m race, you really need to dig deep and go for it with everything your body has to give, but when you add juggling into the mix, this becomes absurdly difficult.

The last time I attempted this record indoors, I dropped with 100 to go, and now that I've tried this a second time, I know why: the full-body fatigue messes with your motor skills. Juggling three balls is really easy standing still, but at this point I had to concentrate on every toss and catch as if I were just learning how to juggle.

I slowed down, but didn't drop, and crossed the line in 2:15.61. Now to send off my documentation to the good folks at Guinness.